Gilbert Makes Elizaveta's Story Awesomer
by PrussianAwesomeness
Summary: After barging into Elizaveta and Roderich's empty bedroom and finding an unfinished story, Gilbert decides to make it go from suckish to awesome. T for Gilbert's language.


**Gilbert Makes Stories Awesomer.**

Gilbert sauntered cockily into the bedroom, looking around eagerly for the person he planned on annoying.

"Lizzie? You there?" Gilbert called out, slightly put out that he couldn't annoy the Hungarian. He noticed a note on the door to her bedroom, something he had overlooked when he had entered.

_Dear Roderich darling, _

_I'm going out to take some 'videos' with Kiku. Heehee, I won't be back until later. Make sure that idiot Gilbert doesn't get into my room. Love you!_

_~E_

Gilbert rolled his eyes. 'Videos' indeed.

A sudden flicker of light coming from Gilbert's right took the Prussian's attention and Gilbert turned to see Elizaveta's computer's screensaver begin to play.

"I wonder what Lizzie was doing – probably watching porn or something," Gilbert said to himself, laughing at his own joke as he walked towards the computer. A quick motion from the mouse brought Gilbert back to the last page which was an open Microsoft Word document. A story? Elizaveta was writing a story? Gilbert hadn't expected Elizaveta to be the writing type but hey… weirder things have happened before. Gilbert decided upon himself that he would read it. After all, the story might be 'good' enough for Gilbert to exploit and further harass Elizaveta.

_He approached the other man casually, leaning against the wall and throwing the man a grin._

Of course it would be about two men. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"_What are you doing here?" the brunet said, looking up from his piano, staring deeply into the other man's eyes._

"She wrote a fucking story about her _boyfriend_? Man, that chick is so messed up," Gilbert muttered to himself, continuing to read.

"_Do you actually think I could manage staying away from you?" the other man said, flashing the Austrian a grin. Roderich looked down to hide the soft smile appearing on his face._

"Gosh, what a fucking pansy."

"_You know you'll get in trouble for this," Roderich warned. The man snorted._

"_Like I care," he said, walking closer towards Roderich. Roderich swallowed thickly, attempting to back away. _

"_This is a public place," Roderich said, eyes darting to the door. "It's not smart to…"_

"_Who said anything about me being smart?" the man cooed, pulling on Roderich's tie, pulling the Austrian closer to him. _

"Only Elizaveta would enjoy writing about her boyfriend in a relationship with another man."

_Pale white hands snuck through Roderich's raven hair as lips pressed against his own. The man pulled Roderich closer, his other hand snaking towards Roderich's waist. Roderich moaned into the kiss as their lips parted, a tongue cheekily snaking into Roderich's mouth. Roderich opened his eyes to stare into the man's own very red orbs…_

Wait what? As far as Gilbert knew, Elizaveta knew nobody with red eyes except for…

_To Gilbert's surprise Roderich pulled Gilbert tightly against and slammed him against the piano, neither man wincing as the keys sounded loudly in the silence. Sufficiently turned on by Roderich's sudden dominance he clumsily pulled off Roderich's belt, intending to satisfy the large b…_

"No!" Gilbert cried out, stepping away from computer in horror. No fucking way. "Lizzie… fucking… writing…Roderich… _me_…!" He felt onto the bed nearby [before leaping off of it, suddenly realizing that Elizaveta and Roderich had probably done the nasty on said bed], staring at the offending computer with derision and utter terror. It was just so insanely _gross_ – sure, he wouldn't have minded if it had been _Elizaveta_ and him but really? Him and _Roderich_? That fucking pansy? Kissing _him_? Gilbert shuddered. And the worst part – Roderich was _topping_? No fucking way would Roderich ever top – hell, he probably was on bottom even when he and Elizaveta were getting it on. There was no way Roderich could top Gilbert – and no way would Gilbert enjoy it either.

Obviously, it was time for Elizaveta's suckish story to get a little awesome.

* * *

"Hello darling~!" Elizaveta called out as she walked into her house, cheeks still slightly pink from the 'videotaping' she and Kiku had done outside of Francis's house. Her and Kiku's filming had proved to be rather fruitful. Elizaveta giggled. She had no idea one could use sugar in such a way…

"Hello dear," Roderich said, looking up from his piano. Elizaveta bit back a grin – his expression, him being on the piano… it was all too much like _Forbidden Love_! Elizaveta fought the urge to giggle. She really couldn't wait to write more of the story.

"Did Gilbert happen to come by here?" Elizaveta asked innocently. Roderich turned back to his piano.

"I didn't see anybody enter the house," Roderich replied and Elizaveta sighed. Even if Gilbert _had_ come and _had_ spent some time with Roderich doing things, it wouldn't be like Roderich to tell her. Elizaveta supposed she'd just have to check her cameras later on.

"I'm going on the computer to see if I have any new emails – will you be a dear and make dinner?" Elizaveta asked. A nod from Roderich was all she needed as she walked away towards their room.

As she entered, she noticed that her Microsoft Word document was still open, waiting for her patiently. Elizaveta didn't see anything wrong with that. She sat down on the chair in front of the computer and eagerly began to reread what she had so far.

_He approached the other man casually, leaning against the wall and throwing the man a grin._

"_What are you doing here?" the brunet said, looking up from his piano, staring deeply into the other man's eyes. Because you know, red eyes so sexy that pansies like Roderich couldn't help but staring stupidly into them, hoping that one day those red eyes would be full of love for them even though they should know that day would __**never**__ come._

"_Why do you fucking think I came here?" the awesome and really hot man demanded. "Are you just so stupid you didn't realize what I came here for?" _

"_I'm sorry!" Roderich said in horror, standing up, tears brimming in his fucking pansy eyes. "I'm not as smart or as cool as you are Gilbert!" _

_Gilbert laughed, running a hand through his sexy luxurious hair. "Of course you aren't, nobody can be as cool as I am. Anyways, I'm here to talk to you about your girlfriend," Gilbert said, getting straight to the point. See, unlike that pansy Roderich, Gilbert was really good at getting straight to the point. He was also smarter than Roderich, cooler than Roderich, a better pianist than Roderich, better fucker than Roderich [even though actually, _everyone_ was a better fucker than Roderich], and he was awesomer than Roderich. _

"_M-my girlfriend?" Roderich asked, too stupid to understand what Gilbert was talking about. Gilbert rolled his eyes. _

"_Yea. I know it's shocking that you of all people have a girlfriend but I guess miracles can happen. Anyways, we need to talk about that disturbing, life-threatening disease she has," Gilbert said, because not only was Gilbert a professional awesome person, he was also a really pro doctor like the ones on those cheesy American soap operas. Only hotter. _

_Roderich's eyes widened, making him look even stupider than he usually is. "What do you mean?" Roderich said in utter horror. _

"_I'm talking about her obsession with Boys Love. It's gotten to the point where if she doesn't see two guys making out, her brain will explode and the country of Hungary will escalate into darkness, despair and total horror. Also, they'll all starve to death – which makes 'Hungary' a really appropriate name for them." _

"_Isn't that kind of racist?"_

"_It's only racist if someone not as awesome as me is saying it. Anyways, to prevent her brain exploding we've got her in a room with a television set playing gay porn 24/7. But slowly, it's proving not to be enough." _

_Roderich's eyes widened and he clutched his heart dramatically as though this was some sort of fucking soap opera and not real life. "Is there any solution?" Roderich asked hopefully. Gilbert rolled his eyes. _

"_Of course there is – why would I be spending my valuable precious time talking to you of all people if there wasn't any solution?" Gilbert honestly couldn't fathom how stupid Roderich could be. "The only solution for Elizaveta is to shoot her in the head."_

_Roderich gasped, stumbling backwards and falling onto his piano keys. Gilbert didn't even wince at the sudden loud noise, because Gilbert wasn't a pansy. "But I love her! Who will have to shoot her?" he demanded, his voice cracking in utter horror. Gilbert cackled sexily. _

"_You'll have to, of course. That way she gets complete closure," Gilbert replied. Roderich paled. _

"_M-me?" Roderich whimpered. "But I'm too much of a pansy weakling to do that to my beloved!" _

"_Too bad, because you gotta. Come on, she's waiting for you fatal shot," Gilbert said emotionlessly. He really didn't care about Elizaveta and Roderich's predicament. He just wanted this to be over so he could go back to being awesome and chilling with his almost as awesome buddies. _

_Roderich reluctantly followed Gilbert towards the hospital and took the gun from the really angry looking nurse [who wouldn't listen to Gilbert when he said that he should be wearing a shorter nurse dress] and proceeded into the room. _

_Elizaveta looked up hungrily from the rather graphic porno [like the creepy chick that she is] and stared at them ravenously. _

"_I-I'm sorry I have to do this darling," Roderich said through tears. Elizaveta cocked her head to the side, looking totally like a creepy dinosaur thing about to eat the main characters like some creepy American Jurassic Park movie thing. _

_BAM! Wow, Roderich didn't waste a second. Within mili-seconds there was a hole in Elizaveta's head as she kneeled forwards, dead. Gilbert quickly pulled the gun from Roderich's limp hands as the Austrian looked at the dead body with horror. What a fucking pansy. _

"_By the way, I was only kidding about the brain exploding part. I just wanted to fuck with your mind," Gilbert said laughing. Before Roderich could understand what Gilbert was talking about, Gilbert shot him dead. _

"_Where is that Austrian?" Vash the nurse [who totally could've been sexy if he actually listened to Gilbert's suggestion of wearing a really short dress instead of chasing the Prussian with a gun] asked harshly as Gilbert left the room, tossing the gun back to the Swiss man. Gilbert shrugged. _

"_In there bleeding with his dead girl," Gilbert replied and Vash nodded. Gilbert then went home to party it up with his cool yet not nearly as awesome friends and lived happily ever after. Vash finally listened to Gilbert and wore a really short nurse dress and their hospital got more patients because of it and everybody lived happily ever after. _

_Well, everybody except for Roderich and Elizaveta that is. _

_The End. _

Elizaveta stared at the story in utter horror. She had not written this. "Gilbert," she growled under her breath, making a move for the frying pan that was waiting in her purse. Just as she was about to storm out of the room to attack Gilbert for vandalizing her personal property, she noticed a little note from the Prussian to her.

_By the way Lizzie, even if you delete this and beat the crap out of me, I've already emailed this to all your friends and my friends and posted it on one of those story sites you're always on. _

_You'll thank me later. _

Oh, now it was _definitely_ time to beat Gilbert senseless.

The End.

* * *

**A/N: This was actually supposed to be Gilbert reading a smutty story written by Elizaveta... but then I remembered that I can't write smut for the life of me and gave up. **

**Heh I like how this story came out :D**

**Reviews make Gilbert's version of "Forbidden Love" become the most popular thing since sliced bread!**


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